I am so endlessly angry these days. I can keep it contained for most of the day and then I’ll see something that triggers full force internal screaming. I want to believe in humanity, I want to maintain a general sense of hope. I really do, but it is difficult.

I want to believe in the endless potential of the human mind and spirit, but then I see countless examples of stupidity, purposeful ignorance, apathy, and outright cruelty. Advances in technology are truly a miracle, but they also allow for all of humanity’s worst traits to be laid bare for everyone to see. The internet has become a constant, heavy reminder of everything ugly that humans create. It should be noted that I also count as an ugly part of the world.

I’d rather not let this slow drip of digital poison kill my hope. Realistically, I know that staying in isolation means I will never make much of a difference in the world, but at this point I’d rather keep myself out of the line of fire.

I thought The Incident from a decade ago would be the closest I would ever come to fully breaking, but it may have actually been The Mystery from a year ago that pushed me to the edge. I haven’t gone over the edge yet. I don’t hate humanity yet.

If I had to be specific about it: The Incident made me feel as though I am subhuman trash who deserves to be treated like shit, but The Mystery shattered my entire worldview and left me questioning the goodness of loved ones and strangers alike.

Both events tried to tell me that hope is a silly, silly thing to hold onto.