chaise lounge in the mind palace

Therapy once a week isn’t nearly enough when I have almost 0 social interaction in my life.

I’ve essentially created a simulacrum of my therapist to speak with in my mind. There’s a lot of tangled wire to be sorted, and a lot of seemingly disparate information that needs to be pieced together.

I keep catching myself making the facial expressions and doing the hand gestures that go along with the conversation.

Also… my therapist is cool. He is very nice to me, it is refreshing. To be able to speak without limiting myself in any way… To be looked at without projection, mockery, pity, envy, or any other form of nonsense… It feels so good.

I keep coming back to this one moment last session, he showed me the type of eyes I haven’t seen in a long, long while. He looked at me like he was staring down a genius. It was just a flash, a simple moment where he had to ask a strange question. I think it has been about 15 years since someone has looked at me with genuine awe (without feeling fear, without needing to insult or diminish me.)

My god, it feels so good.